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Get By With A Little Help From Your Friends We all deal with times of stress and crisis. How wecope with our personal challenges can have a significant impact on the level of stress we experience--especially chronic stress, which is the most damaging type. When crisis strikes, how do you cope? Speaking as a 'stress management expert', I would say that the first line of defense against stress in times of crisis is to check how you perceive what's happening to you, and try to think like an optimist. When I say 'think like an optimist', I'm not merely throwing out a vague suggestion that you 'try to be happy'--there are specific thought patterns that optimists follow when facing challenges and stressors; pessimists have opposite patterns. (Follow these tips to develop traits of optimists, and test your level of optimism now, so you can know where you're coming from--you may be surprised!) A quick strategy to keep in mind is to try to see potential stressors as a challenge vs. a threat. I would also suggest that you find supportive resources in order to manage your situation and experience minimal stressors in your life while you're going through tough times. In times of stress, the people in your life can be the most helpful resources: they can offer supportive ears (and warm arms), creative solutions to problems you face, and practical help in the form of dinners and the like. (Perhaps this is why research shows so many benefits of social support.) I would also recommend that you maintain at least one (but preferably as many as you need) way to relieve stress that really works for you. It could be meditation, exercise, music, or prayer. Just find something that works for you, and make it a regular part of your life. These are my recommendations as a stress expert, but personally, we all have our own ways of coping with stress. Effective coping usually involves a combination of strategies to address thoughts about the situation, a mobilization of resources, and some ways to calm the body in the meantime, as mentioned above. However, the specific strategies we choose may differ from person to person. I often try reframing and gratitude work, talk to those I'm close to (my husband and best friends), and try to get plenty of exercise, try to keep up with prayer or meditation--and have a stash of chocolate (which I only recommend as a stress reliever in small doses). For others, a different combination of stress relievers would be the winning combination, though it might be similar. I recently asked readers to share their strategies for coping with crisis, and have received some nice responses so far. Read responses from other readers who have great ideas, and please consider sharing your own tips that work. Remember, when it comes to the stresses we face in life, we're all in this together! Also Recommended: Crisis Coping Strategies More on How to Cope with a Crisis Coping With Stress: Two Methods, Great Results Get the Free Weekly Newsletter on Stress Join the Stress Management Group on Facebook Get By With A Little Help From Your Friends originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Friday, September 3rd, 2010 at 06:33:32.Permalink | Comment | Email this Eat, Pray, and Love Your Way to Stress Relief and Fulfillment I recently saw the movie Eat, Pray, Love, the true account of one woman's year of travel to Italy, India and Bali in a quest for fulfillment, self-discovery, inner peace, and healing from a recent divorce. The movie was a treat to watch--it included beautiful sights, pleasant adventures, a few nice insights, and a bit of romance. I'm sure many people who saw the film wished they could have more of this peace and self-fulfillment in their own lives. However, most people don't have the ability to take a year out of their lives to find themselves around the globe. Luckily, that's not absolutely necessary. Read how Eat, Pray, Love mirrors important concepts from Positive Psychology, and how to get some of that serenity in our own lives if we don't have the time and money to travel for a year. Find ideas you can put into practice right now to make it easier to reliever stress and attain personal growth without leaving your life behind, and share ideas you come up with. Eat, Pray, Love: The Positive Psychology Approach Additional Resources: Positive Psychology: What It Is & Why It Helps Pleasures In Life That Help Relieve Stress Gratifications: What They Are, & How They Work Creating 'The Good Life': Working Gratifications into Daily Life Relaxation Tips for Stress Relief Readers, Respond: How Do You Get Flow In Your Life? How do you get pleasures, gratification and meaning in your life? Share your experiences in the comments section, and please feel free to share this with others who may benefit.Eat, Pray, and Love Your Way to Stress Relief and Fulfillment originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010 at 06:21:13.Permalink | Comment | Email this Good Advice on Stress and Sleep Doctor-Tested Strategies For Coping With Stress Good Relationship Advice From Surprising Sources Research: Marriage Can Be A Great Stress Relief Tool The other day, a friend and I were musing about how most romantic comedies cover only the beginnings of relationships, and most songs about love are really only about love during those first six months (or mourning the loss of love, which is another blog altogether!), but few art forms extol the virtues of mundane old long-term love: the 'meat' of the relationship when things are simply routine and comfortable and quietly happy. Indeed, when relationships hit their stride and a few bumps in the road present themselves, fewer people are seeing them as challenges to overcome rather than reasons to cut and run. And this is a loss; long-term relationships may not have the dramatic highs (and lows!) of new, less-stable love, but they carry many benefits. This is why I was happy to see some recent research that demonstrates yet another one of these benefits: while virtually all long-term romantic relationships have their share of stresses, such relationships have an overall stress-relieving effect, this new research shows. We've known for a while that solid social relationships can act as a buffer to stress (read more about social support to find out how), but this new study from Dario Maestripieri of the University of Chicago shows that marriage and similar long-term romantic relationships actually have a dampening effect on stress-induced production of cortisol, the body's stress hormone. Simply put, married people and those in serious committed relationships tend to physically react less to stress. Aside from other resources that relationships provide, they also promote resilience to stress! Maestripieri and colleagues studied a group of 500 master's degree students, asking them to perform a test they were told would impact their grades, creating a somewhat stressful experience for them. Their cortisol levels were then measured and studied, and it was found that the studied 500 masters' degree students at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. About 40 percent of men and 53 percent of women who were married or in relationships had lower levels of post-stress cortisol in their blood, showing that they had reacted less to the stress. "These results suggest that single and unpaired individuals are more responsive to psychological stress than married individuals, a finding consistent with a growing body of evidence showing that marriage and social support can buffer against stress," Maestripieri writes. "Although marriage can be pretty stressful, it should make it easier for people to handle other stressors in their lives," Maestripieri said. "What we found is that marriage has a dampening effect on cortisol responses to psychological stress, and that is very new." Does this come as a surprise? If your relationship seems like more of a stressor than a stress reliever, fear not--relationship skills can be learned, and relationship stress can be managed, often more easily than one might guess! The following relationship resources can help you get started toward a less stressed relationship so you can enjoy the full stress relief benefits of your romance.Common Marriage Problems and SolutionsMoney? Daily stress? Kids? Learn the top stressors for couples, and how to manage them! How To Stop Fighting About MoneyDon't let economic woes lead to marital woes! Here's how to stop. How To Have a Happy MarriageLearn about some new research on happy marriages, and find tips to make yours one of those! Communication SkillsHere are some tips that can be used to keep communication happy and healthy in romantic relationships. Many apply to friends, co-workers and telemarketers as well! Happy Marriage TipsOther readers share their best--and you can, too! Stop by and swap relationship tips. Like this post? Want to use it to start a discussion with your friends? Pass it on! Source: Maestripieri, D. et. al. Between- and Within-sex Variations in Hormonal Responses to Psychological Stress in a Large Sample of College Students. Stress, August 2010. Research: Marriage Can Be A Great Stress Relief Tool originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010 at 07:20:31.Permalink | Comment | Email this Childhood Stress: A Rising Health Concern Last year, I blogged about the results of a University of Michigan National Poll on Children's Health which named stress as a top health problem, and one of the top 10 health concerns facing children in 2009. This year, the results of the poll are even more pressing: stress has moved up several spots on the list, and is now considered even more of a concern than alcohol abuse, bullying, and teen pregnancy! In May of this year, pollsters asked 2,064 adults to rate 20 different health concerns for children living in their communities. The results are out! The top 10 overall health concerns for U.S. children in 2010 and the percentage of adults who rate each as a "big problem" include: Childhood obesity (38 percent) Drug abuse (30 percent) Smoking (29 percent) Internet safety (25 percent) Stress (24 percent) Bullying (23 percent) Teen pregnancy (23 percent) Child abuse and neglect (21 percent) Alcohol abuse (20 percent) Not enough opportunities for physical activity (20 percent) What's notable here is that 'stress' has moved up several spots from last year, and is now the #5 health concern for children, according to the assessments of adults in their lives. In fact, among adults who rated stress as a top concern, 56% believe that stress is getting worse for kids. If there were ever a time to help our kids manage stress, that time is here! "Levels of stress among children may relate to economic challenges faced by their families in the national recession and slow recovery," says Davis, who is also associate professor of public policy at the U-M Gerald R. Ford School of Public Policy. "The fact that stress now rates higher on the list of child health problems is a reminder that most of the problems on the list are behavioral or psychological in nature. Lawmakers often deal with adults' concerns about making ends meet. In contrast, in times like these children's stress may fly under the policy radar." While we may not be able to change public policy overnight, nor can we completely eliminate the stressors our children face, there are things we can start doing today to help our children to better cope with stress. Stress Relief for Kids How do you help your kids relieve stress, or relive stress as a family? How did your parents help you to relieve stress as a kid? Share your strategies in the comments section, and please pass this along to others who could use the information.Childhood Stress: A Rising Health Concern originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Monday, August 23rd, 2010 at 07:19:18.Permalink | Comment | Email this College Stress 101 Whether you're starting your first year in college or going back for a degree later in life, college studies can bring stress. (I'm working on a doctorate right now, so I know this first-hand!) Not all of this stress is bad--some of it is eustress: the excitement of classes we're really looking forward to taking, the changes in lifestyle that college life can bring, the growth in new directions. However, there are stressors to manage, too: busier hours, challenging classes, and factors that contribute to the dreaded "Freshman Fifteen", which can really become a reality at any time during college life. The following resources can help you navigate college life with minimal stress and maximum inner growth and enjoyment. Good luck, and check back for an ongoing education in stress management, as well as motivation to make it part of your college experience. College Stress CausesWhere's all this college stress coming from, and how does it impact students? Here's the 411 on causes of college stress. Reducing Stress in College LifeNow that you know about the main causes of college stress (or if you've just decided to accept it and skip to the chase), get tips and resources for managing that college stress here. It's a great way to start lifelong healthy habits and become adept at handling all the stress you'll face for the rest of your life. What Causes the Freshman 15?Yes, it's real. And yes, it can happen to you, even after your first year! Learn about that dreaded weight gain that many people face, and find out where it comes from. How to Avoid the Freshman 15Wanna stay svelte? Here are tricks for dodging that pesky college weight gain. Again, here are some tips that can serve you well in future years, too. The Root Cause of College Sleep DeprivationWhat really leads to the late nights and all-nighters of college? Read this research, and you may be surprised! More Resources From About.com If you're looking for more resources on college life, you'll be happy to know that we have a whole site devoted to it, here on About.com. It's at http://collegelife.about.com! What stresses you the most about college? What do you enjoy the most? And have you come up with creative ways to manage your stress? Share in the comments, or via Facebook, and please pass this on via the 'share' button if you found it to be helpful.College Stress 101 originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Thursday, August 19th, 2010 at 06:41:47.Permalink | Comment | Email this Who's Lucky In Love? When people are out in the sometimes cold and unfriendly world of dating, it may be tempting to become jaded and "not get your hopes up" by expecting the best. But does maintaining a bit of pessimism keep you safe from heartbreak? Recent research may have an answer: probably not. Optimists, with their high hopes and open hearts, actually do seem to be luckier in love, therefore suffering less of that feared heartbreak that pessimists (and everyone else) are always trying to avoid. Researchers from Michigan State University studied dispositional optimists--those who tend to have an optimistic personality and world view--and found three things in particular: Optimism is linked to satisfying and happy romantic relationships Optimists tended to have greater increases in relationship satisfaction over a two-year interval This increased satisfaction may be linked with optimists' tendency toward cooperative problem solving in relationships--they are more likely to talk things out, believe in seeing the other person's perspective, and look for solutions that work for both parties, rather than trying to 'win' arguments at their partner's expense. This goes along with other research that has shown other benefits of optimism, and likely plays into optimists' tendency to be optimistic: they expect good things in their relationships because they make good things happen in their relationships. And because strong, healthy relationships can be a huge source of support and can help us relieve stress in many ways, this research shows that the optimists' way is a good way to build a healthy love life that's likely to include less stress. What's helped you find success in your romantic relationships? Share in the comments section below, and feel free to pass this to friends who may benefit, via the 'share' button. The resources below can help you to develop more optimism in your life, and to create healthier relationships, too! What Are The Benefits of Optimism? Quiz: Are You Prone To Optimism or Pessimism? How To Become An Optimist Healthy Conflict Resolution 10 Conflict Mistakes To Avoid Source: Assad, Kimberly K., Donnellan, M. Brent, Conger, Rand D. Optimism: An enduring resource for romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 93(2), Aug, 2007. pp. 285-297. ........................................................................... Join The Conversation or Get More Information: Facebook - Twitter - Newsletter - Bio - More Options ........................................................................... Photo from iStockPhoto.comWho's Lucky In Love? originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Wednesday, August 18th, 2010 at 06:38:47.Permalink | Comment | Email this Need A Laugh? Let 'Someday' Be Today! When I was a child, I would get embarrassed by things really easily. I was prone to stress, too, especially when things felt overwhelming. (What can I say? I'm sensitive.) As an adult, I've learned to manage these tendencies, but it has taken effort on my part. One idea helped me with the stress of frustration and embarrassment better than just about any other: the idea that "someday we'll look back on this and laugh". I still remember when I first heard that phrase; I thought it was ridiculous. I couldn't imagine why I would laugh about something that had made me so upset. Then one day, a group of friends started doing just that: comparing embarrassing or comically bad experiences and laughing about them. From then on, this secretly became one of my favorite activities. (Hearing people share their stories as comedy, and having a group commiserate and lend support and acceptance may have been what made me realize I wanted to be a 'professional helper' in the first place.) I gradually started thinking about difficult experiences as stories in the making, as potentially humorous anecdotes to save for an occasion when enough time had passed and laughter could replace stress. Then one day, I made an even bigger mental leap: why wait? Why not laugh about these difficult experiences right after they happen? Or while they're happening? From then on, I've been much more adept at letting my sense of humor get me out of the experience of stress. I still love hearing stories that 'someday' should bring laughter (and therefore regularly find myself perusing the site FMyLife.com for just that purpose), and it's almost second nature for me to find humor in the really challenging situations I encounter in life. What makes you laugh? How do you maintain your sense of humor in the face of stressful situations? Share your stories in the comments section, or pass this blog on using the 'share' button and share a laugh with your friends. Sense of Humor Resources: The Benefits of Laughter Cope With Stress By Maintaining a Sense of Humor How To Become More Emotionally Resilient ........................................................................... Join The Conversation or Get More Information: Facebook - Twitter - Newsletter - Bio - More Options ........................................................................... Photo from iStockPhoto.comNeed A Laugh? Let 'Someday' Be Today! originally appeared on About.com Stress Management on Monday, August 16th, 2010 at 05:48:48.Permalink | Comment | Email this |
